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We’ve all been there, but we have an alternative for you: online chat rooms and games. I picture her there, lit up like a lava lamp by the warmth of the man who desires her, but no quick quip to type springs to mind. Look at that picture of Henry VIII in those tacky stockings and Mom's Mabley hat. I developed a system where I immediately followed up every bum picture with one of my face, so I could scroll back up our feed and feel multifaceted, but face pictures seemed to frighten Ralph. When I felt sexless I sent him an artfully cropped picture of my bum. My fingers, when typing out a Maggie Nelson quote and pressing send, were so supple and quick they felt God-like. The only time we kissed (by the loos, after work drinks) he kept his lips firmly closed, like an old movie star, and breathed out dramatically through his nose. A month later I was finally fired, and in my last days in the office he G-Chatted with all the old enthusiasm, edged with a palpable note of relief.
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